Muse

An old acquaintance and now a new-found friend has been encouraging me to write more. Even after a long time of not pursuing this passion, of just gathering dust on the books I bought and would like to read, somehow her encouragement propels me to pick up the pen, or rather, divert my typing skills to a more favorable pursuit for myself. She lights that small flame of inspiration on me, and I am grateful. She reminds me of those last lines from one of my favorite movies of all time, "Shakespeare in Love."

In this finale, Viola, Will Shakespeare’s lover, helps him concoct the beginnings of a new comedy, as she is about to sail to America with her new husband from an arranged marriage. Will writes:

My story starts at sea…a perilous
voyage to an unknown land…a shipwreck

the wild waters roar and heave…the
brave vessel is dashed all to pieces,
and all the helpless souls within her
drowned

all save one … a lady

whose soul is greater than the ocean …
and her spirit stronger than the sea's
embrace … not for her watery end, but
a new life beginning on a stranger
shore

It will be a love story … for she will
be my heroine for all time
and her name will be … Viola.

To my muse, thank you.

Consider the other

(For Leng, one night in 10.2006)

Consider this other pleasure
of smoking:
The thin white line from the tip
drifting slowly up
in unpredictable yet consistent pattern
eventually mix with the air
and vanishes
like broken promises
that diminishes
in your memory
with time.

The lost spark of love
and his casual disregard
of commitment - it is simply
(or at least can be considered)
the uneasy filled feeling
of reaching that alcohol limit
in a party that is bound to end,
with guests leaving
to party again another day.

Consider this other beauty
of living:
Loves lost and found
are as eternal as the wonder
of a full moon-
eventually giving way
to an equally, if not more,
serene and peaceful sunrise
that signals the start
of another day,
of exciting possibilities.

+Thoughts

You probably think, Ate,
That the millions of cubic meters of the Pacific
Divides us
and that you are, most certainly, estranged
from our home’s familiar sounds,
the whizzing of the aquarium’s filter,
the longing moan of Miming to her lover.

But what is amazing is that
my thoughts permeate the air that you breathe.
They become a part of you everyday.
The beads of sweat inching its way
down my forehead in this
perennial heat of Manila
I believe
is the same miraculous drops that surge
through your quiet life in California.

The mind is so powerful, Ate,
that it can, most certainly, dissolve
those millions of cubic meters of the Pacific.
It leaves us to find
that the land beneath your feet
Connects us
as it is the same land as mine.

So you see, Ate,
the sweet scent of our garden flowers
I thought of
is the very wisp of essence
You just inhaled
as you sit down for breakfast.
And this glorious moon beam
I perceived
radiates in the warmth
You feel
as you take in
the blissful morning sunshine.

I carry your heart with me

For mommy and daddy

When I imagine you as me
as a child with innocent eyes, vulnerable,
I am inexplicably filled like a child.
And I am overwhelmed with how I love you,
how I carry your heart with me,
how I carry it in my heart.

This exercise I will always keep,
For it is easy to resent you.
But it is only me that I really resent
when I blame you for not being there,
when I hate the way that we cannot see
the things in the same light.

Now, when I look at you
I remember that you are me.
Children, both programmed,
Values distorted, but once
possessed those innocent eyes.

Here is the secret everyone once knew,
here is the core of the core,
the depth of the depth of this
ocean called life; I know
I carry your heart with me,
I carry it in my heart.

(Inspired by ee cummings' poem of the same title and by the PSI seminar. 09.21.06 )

Starting Anew

(after handing in my resignation letter – 07.28.06)

My heart is filled with silent happiness
It is filled with inner peace
For I am like a bird
Ready to fly away
To explore new skies
And hopefully
Change the hues of the horizon
To red, red orange, orange yellow
To match the glory of sunrise
Over the dark grey mood
Of this rainy wet day.

My heart is filled with repressed joy
It is filled with amazing wonder
For I am who I am
I am a swimmer
Ready to explore new waters
To cut through a new lane
And feel the joy of the cool ripples
Pass through my bare skin
My soul, I am refreshed
I am alive!
I am liberated!
I am
Ready to plunge
Again
In the cool and crisp
Waters
Of life.

I am now a blogger :)

Many of my friends have been encouraging me to post blogs because they say you will get to practice writing, and you'll discover your hidden talent again. And so, I'm trying this out and I'm starting to believe them. I hope I'll be able to continue this. Anyway, I believe that this beats writing my thoughts in my Starbucks planner. I just have to find time to be online again and be in front of the computer after more than 8 hours every weekday of being in front of one already.

I'm excited to read the blogs of friends who I have been out of touch with for the past months. :)